That Would Be An F

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor’s office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom :
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. Never a truer word said

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Bosnia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. What hotel is this please

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany ‘ s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON.

… and once more – and finally D – Thankyou

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England….
We take English for granted but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing,
grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?

.. and again – thankyou D

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

… and again – thankyou D

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub where they drink Belgian beer. On the way home they pick up an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab. Then they sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Most of all they’re very suspicious of anything foreign.

They might be British but you can’t deny that they’re bloody funny.

Thankyou D.

It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. 

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. 

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. 

- The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. 

- The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. 

- The guy at the Farmers’ Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. 

- The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit. 

- The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. 

- The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. 

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the Irish debt reduction package works – and id DEFINITELY an ‘F’

I know that I am not the only one that gets these – but I really wonder about people. The fact we do get them must mean that people respond – no ? I mean why send them otherwise ? Still – fun to read and absorb

Consider …

why would I be “apprehensive about my email ” – it’s an email – what’s it going to do ?

“I am writing you for the second time” – only twice – it seems like two hundred !!

“Before I go into further details, please be informed that I am writing without any other person(s) pre-knowledge of my contacting you on this transaction. Therefore I will appreciate same attitude to be maintained by you all through.” – oops – sorry.

… oh and the letter was only to me wasn’t it …. I mean, just checking …. because it says on the ‘to’ address:

To: undisclosed-recipients: ;

The original letter is through the link ….

(continue reading…)

You know – somethings you just can’t make up !!!

Microsoft Education Competencies: Humor

Proficiency Level

Level 1: Basic	Level 2: Intermediate	Level 3: Advanced	Level 4: Expert
Generally uses humor in a positive way	Uses humor to bring people together	Knows exactly when and where a joke or story will be effective	Can see humor in almost everything
Is conscientious about timing and setting for humor	Uses humor to boost morale or decrease tension	Has a great sense of timing	Sought out by others for guidance in this area
Tries to defuse tense situations with appropriate humor	Uses humor to make for a more relaxed and productive atmosphere	Realizes when and where humor will backfire, and withholds	Uses humor as a uniting dynamic across a range of situations
Can laugh at self and others	Allows others to be funny	Understands that laughter makes a more comfortable meeting, classroom, etc	Recognizing and appreciates a great sense of humor in others

Overdoing Humor

•	May disrupt group process with untimely or inappropriate humor
•	May use humor to deflect real issues and problems
•	May use humor to criticize others and veil an attack
•	May use humor to deliver sarcasm or cynicism
•	May be perceived as immature or lacking in appropriate seriousness
•	His/her humor may be misinterpreted

Passed on – with thanks to : Microsoft Education Competencies: Humor

There seem to be a large number of ‘WTF’s tonight ….

Ron Paul Is Sole “No” Vote On Iran Resolution

I am just wondering why Sotomayor quits The Belizean Grove – the woman’s equivalent of The Bohemian Grove … whose past members include pretty much every President of the USA – not to mention quite a few others.

The Belizean Grove

“Having observed the power of the Bohemian Grove, a 130-year-old, elite old boys’ network of former Presidents, businessmen, military, musicians, academics, and non-profit leaders, and realizing that women didn’t have a similar organization, Susan Stautberg and 26 other founding members created the Belizean Grove, a constellation of influential women who are key decision makers in the profit, non-profit and social sectors; who build long term mutually beneficial relationships in order to both take charge of their own destinies and help others to do the same.”

The Bohemian Club’s all-male membership includes artists, particularly musicians, as well as many prominent business leaders, government officials (including many former U.S. presidents), senior media executives, and people of power.

That – is not just an ‘F’ … that is a MASSIVE … WTF ‘F’ !!!

Sotomayor Quits Belizean Grove

Doubtless you are aware of TinyURL – that really cool and useful thingy that has been out there forever – providing us a very useful way to take the extremely long URLs that get created by some sites – and shortening them so that crap products like Outlook can actually present a link to click to – rather than discovering that the wrap has caused the link to break ….

Anyway – it seems the folks at HugeURL have decided that if you want to look really important, you can take a small URL – and make it HUGE – so your site looks important and massive and ….

That Would Be An F !!