When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Please, warn all your friends!
… now is truly an ‘F’.
(My thanks to Dan for flagging this)
The next time you takean oceanography course, you will be totally prepared. …
1) – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. ( Kelly , age 6)
2) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
4) – Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) – A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) – My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) – When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
– Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) – I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant,so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) – Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) – When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) – Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) – On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) – The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) – My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
My Thanks To DP for this 
Not a believer – not a prediction theorist – but love stuff like this – just weird … and NO – I have not double checked all the facts to really validate the truth that proves the coincidences …
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head
Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford’.
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln’ made by ‘Ford’.
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
1) Fold a NEW $20 bill in half…
2) Fold again, taking care to fold it exactly as below
3) Fold the other end, exactly as before
4) Now, simply turn it over…
What a coincidence! A simple geometric fold creates a catastrophic premonition printed on all $20 bills !!!
My thanks to AC for passing this one on.
NO comment needed – if you watch the video …
Said I would post this – IDIOTS
Council bosses have admitted scoring an “own goal” after a fence was built through the middle of football goalposts in a park in York.
The new fencing was installed at a cost of £6,000 on playing fields in Heworth.
It was erected before £37,000 worth of new play equipment is phased in at the park over the next few weeks.
Dave Meigh, City of York Council’s head of parks and open spaces, said: “We recognise that the failure to relocate the goalposts is a real own goal.”
Full Article :: York council builds fence through goalposts
Passed on – with thanks to :: BBC News
My thanks to Dominic for this classic – proving its not just British Workmen.
Sorry – can’t recall the source for these – let me know if you know ….
Strictly Accurate :
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”- Popular Mechanics, 1949
“Indeed, it would not be an exaggeration to describe the history of the computer industry for the past decade as a massive effort to keep up with Apple.”
- Byte, December 1994 (in fact they still are …)
Just Wrong :
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
– Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
“I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processings is a fad that won’t last out the year.”
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice-Hall, 1957
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of DEC
Valid Question At The Time :
“But what…is it good for?”
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip
And To Finish :
“So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’
So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’”
Steve Jobs, cofounder of Apple Computer
Sorry – I don’t know who to source this to – just found it in my notes :::
Enterprise customer asks – “so /…. how much”
Tell the customer “it costs $10,000″
If they don’t flinch-> “per month”
If they don’t flinch-> “per user”
If they don’t flinch-> “per application”
If they don’t flinch-> “that’s for the basic version, the premium version is $100,000″
A thread caught my eye in Facebook just now – so thought it was time to publish one of my favorite extracts from Mr. Adams work …. it eventually examines scale – and potential confusion if you don’t get it right.
It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated.
For instance, at the very moment that Arthur said, “I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style,” a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant Galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.
The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time.
A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl’hurgs, resplendent in his black jeweled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the G’Gugvuntt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green sweet-smelling steam, and, with a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his mother.
The creature stirred in his sickly broiling vapor, and at that very moment the words I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my life-style drifted across the conference table.
Unfortunately, in the Vl’hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries.
Eventually, of course, after their Galaxy had been decimated over a few thousand years, it was realized that the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake, and so the two opposing battle fleets settled their few remaining differences in order to launch a joint attack on our own Galaxy — now positively identified as the source of the offending remark.
For thousands more years, the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came cross — which happened to be the Earth — where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect in the history of the Universe say that this sort of thing is going on all the time, but that we are powerless to prevent it.
“It’s just life,” they say.
Passed on – with thanks to :: American Buddha Online Library